Swiss Army Duck?

One of these days I'm gonna be in big trouble. One of my favorite Keyfobs came from Art & Linda Clark .... a duck/knife/keyfob. I'm always forgetting that I have a "weapon" on my key-ring. But some day I'll be passing through a checkpoint and an observant security agent will say "Ah Ha !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Didn't think I'd catch you, did you? Trying to slip through with an armed duck, are you? Well, buck-a-roo, you have done and met yer match!!! The little duck AND your dog, Toto, will find life in "confiscated property" quite interesting. Also, I believe you will be entertained by your visit with the FBI!!!!!"

"Do I get a phone call?"

"What? A phone call? You expect me to fall for that one? Call up some cell phone and enter the secret code that activates a timer setting off untold explosions ..... absolutely not, no phone call for you."

"Can I go to the restroom?"

"For your spying & counter-intelligence activities? Maybe a little s-peein'-age? Absolutely not! No way Jose."

"Hey this shirt don't say Jose's Duck Farm!"

"So you are a non-un-duckumented knife wielding maniac with the wrong name on your duck shirt? You admit to attempted impersonation of Jose's Duck Farm? "

*****************************************

But in the meantime, the duck/knife/keyfob is a glorious bit of duckological treasure.

Quack, Quack!

Breifcase

Sometimes I open my breifcase upside down, even though there are ducks on the top side.
When I open my breifcase upside down, all the stuff falls out since the lid is not as deep as the case.

The reason is that the ducks are facing left. My breifcase is emblazoned with leftist ducks. They think I should SHARE the contents of my breifcase with everyone else. So now I'm going even one better - I'm sharing the whole breifcase with the whole world.

Maybe that will break the tormenting spell of the leftist ducks.

From the bottom side of the breifcase, using my x-ray vision, the ducks appear to be facing right.

Note: Right and left should not be judged using x-ray vision.

Quack, Quack!

Pill-O

This is a duck pillow that Ed Gee discovered at a yard sale.
I'm just realizing how many O's there are. Jello, hello, cello, felloe, fellow, gallow, tomato, tornado ..... or you can just pick a word and add "O".
Right-O, O-possum, blot-O, American-O, estupid-O, rock-O, spaghetti-O .......
There's row, roe, arrow, and aero .... all too aerotic for me.
The US was complaining to former Mexican president, Vicente Fox, about all the drugs coming to the United States from Mexic-O. I think he understands the situation very well, Senor Fox said, "It is not just Mexic-O shipping, it is also America buying. I think it is a joint problem." What kind of joint was he talking about? A low-class retailer? An elb-O? Or something you're not supposed to bogart?
I got a new can O-pener at Wal-Mart today. I O-pened a can. The top of the can looked like an O.
I also got some life savers. They just looked like circles. Funny how some things are round or circular but not so much O-shaped. Much-O Gust-O
Quack-O, Quack-O!

Hood Or Nament

The hood ornament for the duck truck was once a diesel engine piston. Beneath the duck is a thin white horizontal strip .... a rubber logo strip from an Electrolux vacuum cleaner. Electrolux rhymes with duck. What the Electrolux does also rhymes with duck. There is a discernable Chevrolet emblem .... I prefer to think of it as a "plus" symbol.

Some say it is an S 10 .... pronounced S.... Ten ....

However, as Dave points out, Zero is another name for "duck"

Thus S10 is really "It's one duck" ....... S one zero....

By the way, the answer to Old MAcdonald's FArm is ....... DUCK!

e times i times e times i times zero is DUCK ..... zero

If people spent more time thinking about ducks, They'd spend less time thinking about other things,

Quack, Quack!

Quack Quilt

This quilt has matching pillows. My mother made it. She made the pillows also. She used to have a duck pond and some ducks. My sister liked to eat the ducks. Sometimes she would have a hankerin' for a duck and she would tell my mother to have my step dad go kill one of the ducks for her. Ducks should be de-feathered before consumption. There is a good way to pluck a duck. Of course, first, the duck should be killed. Then you need a big pot of melted paraffin. You can try hot water, but then you have the "water off a duck's back" problem. The paraffin is a hydrocarbon, similar to the coating on duck feathers. Dip the duck ...... huh, huh, huh .... dip the duck .... like you're dancing with ducks .... nope, dancing with wolves is cool ... dancing with ducks? Oh yeah, the paraffin .... it sticks to the duck feathers. you take the duck out of the molten paraffin and let it cool a bit. The wax gets hard. You peel the wax off like you wuz appealing a tangerine. Then you throw the feathers back in the melty wax and strain the wax so you can pluck another duck or make candles or seal jelly jars or something. But the duck will not have sections like a tangerine ... even if you make duck l'orange.
My mother does not have ducks anymore. She had a hog farm. But as society grew more so-fisticated the nay-boors decided the hogs smelled bad and might be a hazard to the whole world. So the Department of Pollution Control and Ecology shut down the hog farm business. Mom and step-dad sold the land and moved closer to town. Now my sister buys her ducks from Wal-Mart. I don't know what happened to the paraffin. They don't have paraffin anymore. They use beeswax. Beeswax is made by bees. Mama & Step-Dad raise honey bees. Honey is a natural antibiotic. If you eat honey, it is best to get honey made within about 10 miles of where you live. Honey made within 10 miles of where you live is made from pollen within 10 miles of where you live. If you have sinus problems, it is likely due to flowers within 10 miles of where you live. The local honey is claimed by some to be a kind of natural "antidote" to hay fever. If you get sick, you might get the chills. Then you could warm your feet in one of those paraffin footbaths and cuddle up with a duck quilt & duck pilow and watch something sappy on TV of maybe take a spoonful of honey. You could try honey & whiskey but then you would be sick AND confused. Maybe honey and an aspirin and a duck quilt and a duck pillow.
Quack, Quack!

Veggie Duck

This duck was emailed to me one day. It is a vegetable duck. I don't know if the vegetables were organically grown or not. I'm not even sure if it is still vegetables after being formed into a duck. This is evolution at its finest. What I really wonder about is the relationship between for-getable and ve-getable ..... are they both edible? I think maybe it is roman numerals :
I-getable, II-getable, III-getable, IV-getable, V-getable
A medium onion has 60 calories, 1 gram of protein, 14 grams carbohydrate, 10 mg sodium, and 200mg potassium. A banana has 450 mg potassium and 109 calories. Sooooo...... they are pretty close, onions and bananas, in providing potassium.
I'm NOT sure how much potassium is in a Duck. I think it depends on whether they like bananas and onions.
Quack, Quack!

Chicken Surprise

Although this blog is a DUCK blog, Springdale, Arkansas is big in the Chicken Business.
This story came in from Pat Adams and is for those of you thinking chickens or those with a culinary aura.
Quack, Quack!

Chicken Surprise
A couple goes out for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the "Chicken Surprise." The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises
Slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid
slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.
He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again
the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.
"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"
The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
You're going to love this...
No, you're going to hate yourself for loving this!
"Ah,! So sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck!"